Adjustments

Leaving something you have been doing for a long time, even when it is something that doesn't make you happy anymore is a big adjustment.  It's kind of like getting new shoes.  Your old ones are worn, but they are stretched out and comfortable in all the right places and it's hard to give them up.  New shoes need to be broken in, no matter how well they fit, because the shape of your foot, your arch, your funky toe, have to stretch the material to make them truly comfortable.  And so it has been with this transition.

I know this is the right decision for me.  I am certainly less stressed and anxious.  However, the adjustment has been challenging.  It has taken a while to get comfortable with the idea that I don't have somewhere to be or something specific to do.  I have been drifting along with no definable purpose, and no idea how to get moving again.  There are so many things I want to accomplish, and I have had no idea where to begin.

Then I realized that I was in a period of mourning - not for the job itself, but for the things that went along with it.  The job was a major part of my life for a decade and greatly defined my sense of self.  The relationships I had there also shaped me, and those relationships will be different now.    

Some will certainly survive, but they will still be different.  

Fear of the unknown is one of the greatest motivation killers in the world.  Sometimes, doubt keeps us from moving forward.  What if I fail at this?  I knew my capabilities in my workplace, but do I have the discipline to motivate myself in this new incarnation?  Can I maintain my current lifestyle "doing what I love"?  

The new shoe is still a little uncomfortable.